Dear Baby, I'm not the person I used to be...

Dear Baby,

I’m not this person you see today. Or, at least I didn’t used to be. I never thought I would be.

I’m not this person that has half finished chores and projects strewn about all over the house. Yet here we are. With loads of laundry at various stages. Piles of clean clothes that get worn again before they are put away. There are groceries on the floor in bags (PLASTIC bags baby, because I can’t ever remember to bring in the reusable ones anymore) that haven’t been put in the pantry yet, and probably won’t be until your Dad gets home. (I’m pretty sure I even left some in the car…)

The sink always seems to be full of dirty dishes, baby. But I DID do some of them today, since we didn’t have any clean silverware… I was that person baby, that swept the floors EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. But now our front door rug always has dog hair showing on it. There’s an embarrassing amount of dust on the TV stand, baby. And I’ve killed TWO plants! That’s so unlike me, baby. That’s not the person I used to be…

There have been days, baby, that I have to choose between ten extra minutes of sleep or a quick shower… Can you guess which I choose? That’s not like me! These days I tend to have spit up (or drool now) on my shirt baby, and a lot of times I’ll wait a little while to put on a clean one. Is that embarrassing, baby?

I’m not the person that leaves calendars unchanged, baby. Or who forgets for weeks to change the letter board. Yet here we are, baby. According to the letter board you’re still 2 months old (just a month off, not bad!) and the calendar still reads 2019. I’m not the person that doesn’t bother for weeks to change the holiday decorations, baby. But there are still touches of Christmas around our house, maybe I’ll add some hearts to them and just leave them for Valentine’s Day…

I’ve never been the person with any number but ZERO of unread emails, baby. But today, even after I deleted a ton, the number still shows over 100, baby! I’ve always been the person that sends cards on time. But I’ve sent more “belated” birthday cards these last few months than on-time ones! Some still sit half addressed on the table… I’m not that person, baby!

There are toys strewn about baby, and that’s not like me. I like to have things put away, and in their place. Or at least I used to. There’s a box cuter on your dresser, baby. I’m not sure why (that’s definitely not where that goes…) but there it is. The blankets on the couch never get folded and I never know if the vacuum has been charged baby, because I can’t remember the last time it was me that used it. I forgot a dirty diaper in the car overnight baby. You had cried the whole ride home, and I grabbed you so quick to take you inside and cuddle you baby, that I didn’t even notice it there on the floor. That’s so unlike me!

Yet here we are. You and I. And, now that I think about it, maybe I’m a better person than I used to be. Maybe I like the “new” me, because you know what, baby? You made me this person. Maybe even a better person than the one I was. Because you made me a mom. You made me YOUR mom. And I can’t think of a better person to be.