Nila's Birth Story
This is actually a little of a pregnancy journey AND birth story wrapped into one…. since I didn't blog throughout my whole pregnancy! I’ll try to be brief on the pregnancy ride, because I do want this mostly to be about how our sweet Nila made her way into the world. So let’s get into it!
I found out I was pregnant when I woke up one day and suddenly thought ‘hm. I should take a pregnancy test….’ We were not planning on getting pregnant, but for whatever reason that was my first thought as I woke up this particular morning. I found an expired pregnancy test (haaa) in our bathroom. It was positive. On my way to meet a friend to go on a walk with Vernon, I stopped by the store to pick up some non-expired tests. When we got to her house I handed Vernon off to my friend and just said “I need to use your bathroom.” Sure enough, I was pregnant.
I was a little in shock because honestly we had ‘planned’ on waiting another year or so until we discussed probably wanting another baby. But there are ‘plans’ and then there is ‘actual life’ so this was what was happening and I jumped on board!
My pregnancy with Nila was wildly different than with Vernon, for many reasons. My prenatal care is among those differences, but also just things with myself. I was SO. TIRED. this time, all the time. I had a lot more symptoms like nausea, back aches, head aches, and swelling earlier. But I also had a toddler to wrangle so there’s that.
I didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on being pregnant this time. To imagine what this baby would be like, look like, etc. I was just so busy with Vernon and having a life now that we lived near all of our people. We did an early gender test and I wasn’t shocked to find out it was a girl. I had hoped, and had a very strong sense of KNOWING. But kept my expectations low. I’d be thrilled with whatever, just a happy and healthy baby is all that matters. But my body was already reacting so differently to this pregnancy, I was pretty confident it was a girl even before the gender test. About 2 months before the due date we did a 3D ultrasound just for fun, and that’s when I really started thinking oh my gosh, we’re having a daughter!! This is so crazy. And then also thinking: Another HUMAN to take care of and raise and love and holy crap.
*let it be on record that I gave birth while still wearing the Chicago Bulls shirt seen in the above photo. It’s one of many shirts I have stolen from Joel over the years, and now will be considered a family heirloom*
Something I did really start dwelling on however was the pain of birth. I started feeling very uneasy and honestly a little scared those last few weeks. The pain of birth was something I hadn’t thought of too often after Vernon was born, but now as I prepared to give birth (to what I knew all along was going to be a bigger baby than V) I started to recall the physical experience of birth. And the thought of experiencing that kind of raw, unimaginable pain again was frightening. Especially when I knew I’d be doing this in a hospital this time, with strangers.
Nila’s due date was January 9th but I really thought she would come early. Even though with Vernon I was pregnant for a whole WEEK after his due date. I was carrying pretty low for several weeks before Nila’s due date. About 2 weeks before her due date I started experiencing a LOT of Braxton Hicks throughout the nights. I would wake up, unable to lay still or go back to sleep. So I would leave Joel and Vernon in our bed to go walk around our kitchen/living room, or lay on the couch where I could freely wiggle around in discomfort without bothering anyone. It was a long couple of weeks.
On January 9th my sister in law went into labor (several weeks early than her due date, I should also mention that my sister was pregnant as well and due in March) and I was like shit. I’m going to be pregnant for like another week!!!! There’s no way these babies will be born so close together.
Well, I was wrong.
January 9th was a Sunday, and as we went to bed that evening I was preparing myself for another night of restlessness and discomfort. But when I woke up a few hours after getting to sleep, I knew this night was different. My whole body knew it.
I got out of bed and began pacing around our kitchen island. Just walking and walking. I quickly got to a point where I had to close my eyes and focus as hard as I could when my contractions would come around. I’m not sure how long I did this by myself, but I know it wasn’t very long before I went to wake Joel up to tell him I thought we needed to be timing these contractions.
Joel quickly realized my contractions were pretty close together, and picking up pace. This was around 5am. Joel went to wake up my step dad so he could come sleep downstairs to our apartment and be there when Vernon woke up. *My mom had gone to stay at my brother’s house with their dogs since my brother and his wife were at the hospital with their brand new baby!* We called my mom, who was supposed to be at the birth with us, and let her know that this was happening NOW. Joel started our van, gathered our things, and I somehow got into shoes and one of Joel’s sweatshirts. Around 5:45 am we were headed on our way to the hospital.
Joel remembers the ride as quick (no traffic that early!) and he remembers that I was miserable the whole ride. I sat in the way back trying to just focus on the contractions as they came. Trying to calm my nerves and ready myself for what was to come. I was scared, but I also remember being excited (in between contractions) to finally meet our baby girl.
We arrived at the hospital at 6:35 (according to my mom who was waiting at the emergency room doors for us) My mom took our van to park it, and Joel and I headed inside. I remember telling the security guard yes I could walk, then another contraction started and I could barely stay standing. Someone got a wheelchair and we were taken to triage.
This part of the story is a little painful for me to remember. The outcome was a healthy successful birth, but my hour spent in the triage and labor/delivery was excruciating and scary for me. Throughout my prenatal care with the ‘midwife group’ I’d been seeing, I knew that my birth experience would be different than my first, but I was still surprised by how it played out.
When we were taken to triage I was told that I needed to lay down on a bed and have a monitor strapped to me. I very quickly explained that I did not want continuous monitoring and I did not want to lay down (knowing MY body, I knew laying down was the most painful position I could be in) I remember trying to explain my birth plan and that I’d been assured that I would be in control, and even that this one specific thing would not be an issue… Well, I’m not sure how exactly the whole exchange went, but basically it was: you can’t go to labor and delivery until we monitor you for [some set period of time, I believe it was around 20 minutes] and we determine that you actually are in labor.
Again. Being very familiar with my body and having experienced a completely all natural child birth in the recent past, I knew I was actually, in fact, very much so in labor. And that this was not going to take very long. I tried to explain these things about myself to whoever it was with this monitor, but I was shut down and eventually gave up. I climbed into the bed in the triage room where they strapped a fetal monitor to me. I was in SO. MUCH. PAIN. I was miserable. It was excruciating. And impossible to sit still. I tried so hard, just to get it over with. Joel immediately started timing so we would know when the monitor could come off. At one point a nurse came in and he told me “only a few more minutes!” And then the nurse said oh wait. No one started our timer. I’ll start it now, you’ll have to wait a little longer. I remember telling Joel, screw this give me some kind of pain meds. I can’t do this. I felt so defeated. And so afraid. I start asking for my mom and someone tells us that they had just changed their protocols for non-spouse support people in births. They had to pass a Covid test before they could come in. And that could take HOURS. I couldn’t believe it.
A midwife (one I’d never even met unfortunately) showed up around this time and did tell the nurses that of course I could stand up if I needed to. Feeling a little relieved I began trying to explain how I was very much so in active labor and this was happening RIGHT NOW. Around this time I also started feeling strong urges to push during my contractions. But had been fighting the urge for several contractions because I was so scared. I again asked Joel for pain meds, and as he’s talking to the midwife about what’s been going on she asks if my water has broke and I said no. She said well maybe we should just check you…. but as I stood up again to protest my water broke. A contraction also came and I couldn’t fight the urge to push. The midwife confirmed (what I had been trying to tell everyone the whole time) that I was in fact in active labor and we needed to get to labor and delivery NOW. Someone gets me somehow into a wheelchair and then everyone is running. Literally running.
We make it to this large room where they (there’s tons of people hustling about. I know none of them, have no idea what any of them are doing. ) immediately tell me to get into a bed and I’m screaming as another contraction comes. Either I or Joel manages to tell the midwife that I’m most comfortable standing, but at this point I can barely keep myself on my feet. She suggests I get on my knees on the bed and hold onto the back. Someone raises the back of the bed as far as it would go as I’m getting onto the bed. There’s still a stupid monitor attached to me and it was very difficult to move around but I somehow got into a position that I could manage. I remember screaming and just pushing with everything I could possibly muster. Every ounce of everything in my body, my brain, and my soul went into every push. My contractions were coming so quickly I couldn’t rest or barely think in between. I’m clinging, clutching to the raised back of this bed screaming the most wild screams I’ve ever heard come out of me, willing my body to do this and do this NOW. And then all of a sudden. She was there.
Someone was handing this beautiful baby up to me from between my knees. I held her as (with a lot of help) I got turned around and finally laid down. I couldn’t believe it. She was here. I remember just saying to Joel several times “I can’t believe we have a baby girl!”
This was at 7:28 am.
This all transpired in literally less than an hour.
The rest of our hospital stay was just fine. The midwife left promptly, I have no idea what her name even was. Once we were ready for the cord to be cut Joel did that. I also had him take a picture of the placenta which I had adamantly declined at my first birth, but then later had regretted haha! Nila was weighed right next to us when we were ready and immediately given back to me. My mom eventually was able to join us thankfully. I nursed Nila and we just stared at her and each other. Like, I knew I could do it (I’d done it before right?!) but it was all still a little unbelievable. It honestly still is. We made that human. I grew her, and finally she was there in my arms.
We were eventually moved to a regular room in the maternity ward where we had a very sweet nurse the majority of the time (Jenna) who was so kind and helpful. Nila was just the most chill baby (and was for months!) we literally had to wake her for feedings. She was just so content to be held and sleep! My first meal was Jimmy Johns again and it was magnificent.
After the high of birthing my beautiful baby wore off the exhaustion hit.It might have been a ‘quick’ birth but it was fierce, there is no doubt about that. I actually took a few good naps while we were in the hospital, but mostly just stared at Nila, breastfed her, and tried to manage my pain. I also missed Vernon fiercely. I was ready to get home asap.
Looking back at Nila’s birth is such a huge mix of emotions. I cry every time I read it, both happy tears and sad ones. Happy that we had this healthy baby girl to complete our family. But sad too, just for myself though. Because I remember, in a blurry sense, the fear I felt. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Blurry because it’s mixed with so much else. Joy, completeness, love. But the fear is there in the memory nonetheless. Lucky for me, I believe love can conquer fear, and I’m definitely full of love.
